How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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