I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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