My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
