Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
