Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
