Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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