there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
