My friends, they love my intelligence
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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