dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
