My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
