Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
