She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
