I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
