Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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