dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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