we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
