I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
