a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
