You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
