i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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