glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
