Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
