Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I faked an abortion last night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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