She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
