yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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