I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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