So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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