Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
