We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
