I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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