I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
