Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
