it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
