I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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