I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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