You work out of a Hotel?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
