can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
