and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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