part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
