im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
