ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
