Don't you send me to vm
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
