Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
