Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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