I love black thongs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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