im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
