I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
