I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
