Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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