non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
